


Wanted: Roommates, Romantic Attraction Non-Negotiable

by muchlessvermillion



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkwardness, Humanstuck, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Romance, Roommates, Swearing, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 18:30:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6531238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muchlessvermillion/pseuds/muchlessvermillion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here’s the thing about college: You can’t live on campus forever. As Karkat said, they might as well just “get it the fuck over with so we learn how to not strangle the people we share chores with before graduation."</p><p>Eridan, Aradia, Sollux, Karkat, and Feferi end up off-campus roommates in their last year of college. Things start to get weird when everyone gets a crush on everybody else- which is not ideal when you're all in a small house together, and no one wants to talk about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wanted: Roommates, Romantic Attraction Non-Negotiable

**Author's Note:**

  * For [liasangria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/liasangria/gifts).



> Prompt: Aradia/Sollux/Eridan/Feferi/Karkat  
> a humanstuck au where they're all 20-somethings trying to figure out life and love post-college. bonus if they all decide to get a tiny apartment together BEFORE the polyamorous romantic entanglements happen. the emotions! the drama! all that goddamn laundry!
> 
> This was a fun prompt, and I hope I did it justice!
> 
> Special thanks to my lovely friend Samn, aka captorvatiing on here and dumbledorkus on tumblr, who betad, kicked my ass into gear, and also saved my life basically.  
> Also thanks to my dear friend Mock, who gave me ideas and helped answer my questions.

Here’s the thing about college: You can’t live on campus forever.

Well, technically, you can spend at least four years in the cramped dorm rooms, with the plasticky desks and narrow closets, but eventually everyone graduates, or leaves. And then there’s job hunting, and public transport, and paying to do your laundry.

As Karkat said, they might as well just “get it the fuck over with so we learn how to not strangle the people we share chores with before graduation.”

They weren’t the only ones. Rent was expensive, even for some of the crappy places downtown, and everyone seemed to be breaking off into groups that could stand spending that much time together. Nepeta and Equius had been roommates since sophomore year- though no one could imagine Nepeta willingly vacuuming, or dusting, and Equius liked it neat. Kanaya, Rose, and Jade had signed a lease on a place together just last semester, and John and Dave had been talking about the clashing, irony-tastic decorations in their future living room for ages.  Aradia and Sollux had been friends since forever; they already knew they could handle sharing a space. And Sollux spent half his time crashed out on Karkat’s floor after caffeine-fueled study-sessions anyway, so when they asked him they knew he’d say yes, even though he pretended to think about it for a couple of days.

Eridan was more of a surprise. He was buttfuck wealthy enough to get his own place, fill the extra bedrooms with money, and use them for rolling around in- but he was the first one that responded to their Facebook housing ad, so he got on the list, Sollux’s bitching be damned. _Why_ he wanted to live in a cramped rented house near campus was another question altogether. Feferi was rich enough to buy Eridan’s hypothetical money house, as well as the one next door, and maybe the one after that, but everyone already knew she liked living with people. She’d _asked_ for a quad first year. She was Aradia’s pick, too, and Karkat and Sollux weren’t about to argue with her. Aradia claimed she wanted her because they’d shared anthropology classes, and Feferi was bubbly and bright and could pay her share of the rent- but Sollux privately thought part of the reason was because Peixes was all hips and lips and curly hair down her back. The thought made him sort of inexplicably uncomfortable, like leaning against a high-up window.

Still, couldn’t exactly turn either of them away. There weren't very many apartments with five rooms in their price range- or, really, any at all. Sollux and Aradia agreed to share (or rather, Aradia said they would share, and Sollux shrugged and offered no real complaint) and soon enough they found a reasonably priced if somewhat cramped four bedroom a short drive away from campus. They settled in easily, and soon enough there was an unwritten bathroom schedule and a white board up in the the kitchenette that updated near daily with a new, all caps, colourfully illustrated rant about SOLLUX “WHAT’S A PAIR” CAPTOR LEAVING HIS TRAGICALLY SINGLE SOCKS ALL OVER THE GODDAMN PLACE or begging to know which of the girls (THAT INCLUDES YOU, ERIDAN) had gotten foundation on the bathroom sink again.

Bickering about chores aside, things were good. Everyone got along, which was lucky really since there was never a moment where you could be alone in the house. But, well- some got along better than others.

\-----

If anyone asked Aradia why she still had boxes on her side of the room, she’d say it was her school schedule. There was a lot of homework! There was a lot to learn! And, quite frankly, she had a lot of stuff! She and Sollux had split the master bedroom down the center, each with a twin bed and a closet half and some shelving, and right away she’d gotten the important stuff unpacked; the Tibetan tapestry she’d brought back from assisting on a dig with one of her professors over the summer, the animal skulls lined up neatly on the shelf above her bed, the leather roll of tools laid out across her bedside table, the sweet little puzzle box her mom had gotten her in Egypt tucked up on the headboard. What she hadn’t done, however, was unpack all her clothes. She didn’t really _need_ all her clothes, and they were bound to get scrunched up in the dresser anyway, so it wasn’t like keeping them in the boxes made any sort of difference. The problem was with finding things when she needed them.

She was bent over an open box, in skull-print underwear and no bra, when the door creaked open and Feferi made a surprised little noise behind her. Aradia kept on digging through piles of black cloth.

“Gosh, sorry!” Feferi said, though she made no move to leave. “I keep forgetting I have to knock.”

“It’s all good!” Aradia replied, as she triumphantly yanked a black tank top from its cardboard home and over her head. “I just got a late start today. I can’t believe Sollux is out and dressed before me. Either I’m really off my game, or he hasn’t been to bed yet.” She turned to face Feferi, pulling her hair out from the neck of her shirt. “Did you need something?”

“Oh- well, it was just about the chore rotation, but-” She stepped further into the room, waving one gold-ringed hand outward. “Do you need any help here?”

“Nope!” Aradia replied, cheerfully. Feferi’s eyebrows furrowed.

“You sure? We could get you all unpacked and folded. It’s easier with two.”

“I didn’t see the point, since it’s not like it’d stay neat.” Aradia admitted.

“Well that’s why you clean regularly, silly!” Feferi scooped up an armful of clothes and dumped it on Aradia’s bed, unceremonious. “God, you have a lot of black. Have you considered some warmer tones? You’re totally an Autumn. I bet you’d look great in orange.” Aradia shrugged, and stepped up next to her, legs bare and unshaved.  

“Not really. I like red, sometimes. All my clothes get dusty, anyway, there’s not much of a point.”

“Nonsense! You can be fashionable anywhere, if you know how to.” She shook out a long black skirt and folded it in two, setting it aside. “You grab your own pile and start folding, we’ll have you sorted out in a jiffy.” Aradia dragged the box closer to the bed and pulled out a handful of shirts and black shorts, bumping her hip against Feferi’s playfully as she moved past her.

“You’re a busybody.” Aradia said, amused. Feferi looked sheepish, but kept folding.

“I’m just trying to help.”

“You’re helping! You’re just also a busybody.” Aradia carefully folded a shirt with “thick thighs save lives” printed in white across the front.

“Aha!” Feferi pulled a muted red skirt from the pile, and held it up high. “You do have some color in here! Now we just need to get you some more.”

“I’ll take that opinion into account.” Aradia replied, nudging her elbow into Feferi’s warm arm. “But I don’t know if I care.”

“I’ll wear you down yet!” Feferi slung her arm around Aradia’s shoulders and squeezed. “Now let’s get you all unpacked and put away.”

\-----

“I play winner.” Aradia declared, leaning up against the back of the couch. Her folded arms brushed Sollux’s bony shoulders.

“Like fuck you do.” He said. “You just try to kill your character on purpose. There’s no point.” He kicked out at Karkat, and Karkat kicked back, viciously, like he really meant it. “Ow, fuck, KK.”

“That’s what you get for cheating, dickmunch. That’s what you fucking get.”

“I’m not cheating! It’s not my fault you’re as shitty at this as you are at everything else.” He threw an elbow at him, and Karkat shoved back, until they both only had one hand on the controller.

“I’m going to shoot your character in the fucking head and hump the corpse until it leaks, Captor.” Karkat’s fingers were pressed up against Sollux’s cheekbone, and Sollux licked his palm sloppily. “Oh, fuck, gross! You’re disgusting. You disgust me.” He wiped the spit-slick hand over Sollux’s neck.

“Now who’s cheating, asslick? That’s right, it’s you.” Sollux nudged Karkat in the ribs again. Aradia watched, grinning, her forearms rubbing against the back of their necks as they squabbled. She threw an arm around both of them.

“Are you actually trying to win?” She asked. “Or are you just going for the most possible physical contact with each other?”

“Oh, shut up AA.” Sollux jolted out of her grip, and she laughed and tugged at a chunk of his hair.  

“I don’t appreciate these implications, Medigo.” Karkat muttered, narrowing his eyes at the screen. He was suddenly very focused on the game, hunched over his controller. Aradia cackled.

“I’m just saying, there’s a lot of touching going on here! A whole lot of touching!”

“We’re _fighting_ , AA.”

“Yeah, with your _tongues!_ ”

“Oh my GOD.” Karkat’s character got blown up, and he sunk his head into one of his hands. “Stop distracting me!”

“You would’ve died anyway, KK. At least now you have an excuse, even if it’s totally bullshit.” Sollux was triumphantly teabagging Karkat’s virtual corpse. Aradia pushed herself up with the back of the couch, and slid down between them, head first. She kicked her socked feet over the cushions.

“Uh,” Karkat said, putting a gentle hand on her head. “Hi.”

“Hello!” Aradia replied, to the floor.

“Just gonna hang there?” He asked.

“Why? Are you mad you can’t kick each other anymore?”

“That,” Sollux answered. “Sounds like a challenge. We can absolutely still kick each other.”

\-----

“Fuck, that’s nice.” Karkat muttered, his feet slung across Sollux’s lap and his face lit up blue by his laptop. Sollux didn’t even seem to notice, his eyes focused on his monitor and the tip of his tongue caught between his front teeth. One of his hands was flying across the keyboard. The other one was wrapped around Karkat’s bare ankle.

“What is?” Feferi asked, painting her toenails pink in the cushy brown armchair. Karkat turned his computer around to face her, gesturing with his hands.

“It’s a swim binder. Pretty recent. I sure as hell can’t go to the beach with the one I have now, and I’d be arrested trying to go topless. It looks pretty natural, too. Like a tank top. Cool, right?”

“Yeah!” Feferi chirped, giving him a bright grin. “The gray matches like, your entire wardrobe, too.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll consider taking your fashion advice after I’ve bulked up. Shit I buy now won’t fit me in a year.”

“Is that why you wear circus tents instead of shirts?” She asked, giving him an innocent smile. He flipped her off.

“Don’t forget the ugly-ass sweaters, FF.” Sollux said, and Karkat shoved him, and Sollux shoved back, and they ended up wrestling on the floor.

 

Two business days later, two swim binders, gray and black, were laid across his comforter.

“What the _fuck_.” Karkat whispered, and then repeated it louder. “What the FUCK.” He stuck his head out of the doorway, shoulders tense. “Okay, which one of you motherfuckers is trying to play Santa?”

“Oh!” Feferi said, bright, as she popped out of the kitchen. “Do you like them? I wasn’t sure which color you’d like, so I got both. They had white, too, but I thought that was kind of a dumb choice for swimming in.”

“Feferi.” Karkat said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I can’t accept these.”

“What? Why not?”

“I didn’t ask you to get me these. And, fuck, you must’ve blown at least a hundred bucks on this shit, which also I didn’t ask you to do. Maybe two hundred. I can’t take them.”

“But they’re a present!” Feferi objected, crossing her arms over her chest. “What’s the point of being filthy rich if I can’t use it to buy stuff for my friends?”

“I don’t even know how you found out what size I wear- I can’t _take_ these, Peixes. I’m not into handouts. If I want something, I have to fucking work for it like everybody else. You can’t buy me two of any-goddamn-thing I mention liking.”

“I don’t see why not.” Her glossy pink lips were forming a very convincing pout. Eridan had stuck his head out of his own room, glancing back and forth like he was watching a tennis match.

“Because I don’t like free shit! I like knowing that I earned what I have!”

“Even if that means what you have is totally shitty?”

“Especially then!”

“Well _I’m_ sure as hell not going to wear them, and they’re already _here_ , so I don’t know what you want from me.” She narrowed her eyes, and drew herself up to her full height.

“Send them back!” He knocked his fingers against the doorway, and hissed. “Fuck, ow. Jesus.”

“No refunds.” Feferi replied.

“Then I’ll have to fucking pay you for them, whatever, give me the receipt.”

“No! Just let me do something nice for you!”

“I didn’t _ask_ you to do something nice for me!”

“Sometimes your friends just do something nice for you, and you don’t have to ask them!” Feferi stomped one sandaled foot. “That’s how friendship works! That’s what you do!”

“I don’t want to be in _debt_ to my friends!”

“Well you _wouldn’t_ be in debt if you just accepted the present!”

“Oh my god, just take the fuckin’ gift, Kar.” Eridan called. Karkat’s resulting glare made him duck back into his room in a flash of purple.

“Oh my fucking god, FF.” Sollux said, clearly exasperated, but turned back to his computer the second she looked at him.

“Whoa, there.” Aradia said.

“Why are you dressed as Indiana Jones?” Karat asked, baffled.

“He saved the world like a million times, I _think_ he can handle a domestic dispute.” Aradia stepped between them, her arms outstretched, hat tilted jauntily on her head. “Okay, so. Karkat, you take the gift. Feferi, you ask first next time. Intention isn’t everything! You know it bothers him, now.”

“I don’t want to owe her.” Karkat pointed out, the fire going out of him.

“Okay. What if you do something nice for Feferi? Give her a massage or something. Maybe even several massages. You’re strong, she likes being pampered, you keep the gift. It all works out even.”

“...I guess.” Karkat muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah,” Feferi said. “Alright.”

“Good!” Said Aradia. “Indiradia Jones saves the day again!” She cracked her whip with a loud snap, and skipped back to her room.

“Wanna hug it out?” Feferi asked, flinging her arms wide.

“Not really.” Karkat said, but stepped forward into her embrace anyway.

\-----

Feferi Peixes didn’t dress like any girl Sollux had ever actually known before. He’d known Aradia for years, but she didn’t really do fashion- she’d had that one ruffled red skirt since high school, and the rest of her wardrobe was mostly monochrome t-shirts and jeans.

Feferi, on the other hand, always got dressed like she was going to war. She favored bright colors; pinks and purples and reds, and gold bangles that clinked when she walked, and gauzy scarves, and impeccable lipstick. Sollux had no idea how she had the energy for it. Sometimes it was too much for him to even get out of his pajamas. Sometimes he could barely get out of bed. Part of him was in awe of her, and part of him was jealous.

She had a dress on today, with a fuschia skirt that floated around her knees like it was liquid, and a pair of dangly earrings, and he knew he was being obvious, but he couldn’t stop looking.

“Sollux Captor, are you checking me out?” She asked, her hands on her hips, a mischievous smile flickering over her lips.

“Er,” He _wished_ he was checking her out. That would have been an easier explanation. “No.”

“Aw,” She said, and he wasn’t sure how real her disappointment was. “Okay, so what is it? Do I have something on my face?”

“I’m sort of-” He gestured, uselessly. “I like-” He _knew_ the word for it, he’d done enough google research to last him a lifetime, but there was no guarantee she’d understand if he just started spitting terms at her. “Sometimes, I’m- Okay, so.” He’d never actually said this out loud before. It was harder than he’d expected. He sighed, adjusted his glasses on his nose. “I’m, uh, bigender. Sometimes I feel more like a girl. I’m still a guy, too, I just, also- sometimes- I think I’d like to be able to dress like a girl, sometimes. At home.” He couldn’t even look at her.

“Oh, Sollux.” Feferi said, and he ventured a glance. She had her hands clasped to her cheeks, and was beaming at him. “We are _so_ taking you shopping.”

 

The next thing he knew, Feferi was knocking on Eridan’s door, of all fucking people.

“Okay, so,” Sollux started. “Shopping, yes, but why Eridan?”

“Well, you sure as hell wouldn’t fit in any of _my_ clothes. They’d be way too big for you.” She had one manicured hand wrapped around his wrist, and with her other hand she kept on knocking. “Eridan!” She called. “What size skirt are you?” Sollux felt distinctly out of his depth. The door cracked open just enough for Eridan to peer out, suspicious.

“You better not have brought Captor here to laugh at me, Fef.”

“Oh, come on, Eridan! You know me better than that. Let us in!” The door opened the rest of the way, and Feferi tugged Sollux inside. As they passed, Eridan looked him over. “What were you even doing, locked in here all by yourself?” Feferi reached to muss Eridan’s hair, and he ducked just out of reach, practiced.

“Homework.” Eridan replied, fussily adjusting his vest. “Dunno if you forgot, Fef, but I’m a student.”

“Well, it’s time for a break! Sollux wants some girly clothes, and I figure you two are about the same size. He wouldn’t be comfy in those ritzy discreet stores we go to, but I figure we can both help him pick stuff out online! Let him try on one of your skirts so we can figure out what size he needs.” Feferi marched to Eridan’s bed and sat in front of his computer, shooting them both a look that read ‘get to it’. Eridan sighed, went to his closet, and pulled out a round-collared white blouse and a pleated purple skirt, both on hangers. He pressed the metal handles into Sollux's palm and gave him an assessing look.

“You try those on. Not exactly your style; too neat, but whatever.” Sollux gaped at him.  

“Wait, so- are you nonbinary too?” He shrugged out of his t-shirt and sweats, dropping them on Eridan’s floor. Eridan tsked at him, and kicked them aside.

“Not so much. I just like it, sometimes. Don’t need the labels.”

“Oh.” Sollux was confused, and overwhelmed, and he was sure it showed on his face. He shrugged the shirt over his shoulders, his fingers fumbling with the buttons. Eridan rolled his eyes, and reached to help him, deftly pushing the shiny little buttons into place. “Thanks.” Sollux muttered, fingering the silky fabric, and Eridan’s eyes softened. He stepped back.

“I can already tell that’s too broad in the shoulders for you, a-fuckin-course. You’re a stick. But the skirt should fit. Unzip it before you put it on, will you, I don’t want you strainin’ the stitchin’.” Eridan stepped back and joined Feferi on the bed, looking over her shoulder. “He ain’t gonna wear that much pink, Fef. Wouldn’t look good on him anyway. We’re not shopping for you.” Sollux pulled the skirt up over his legs and went to join them.

 Two hours and a lot of bickering later, Sollux had ordered a black and white striped skirt to pair with his t-shirts, a hideously clashing red and blue dress, and a pair of dress pants. Eridan had called him an “affront to the name of good taste” at least three times. Sollux couldn’t stop grinning.

\-----

“See, Kar, that doesn’t even make any fuckin’ sense.”

“Shut _up_ , Ampora. They’re having a moment!” The two of them were sprawled out on the couch, their feet shoved together under the one blanket.

“I’m just _sayin’_. That’s not how piracy worked! What’s the point of an entire movie about pirates if it ain’t gonna be historically accurate?”

“I’m not watching it for the pirates.” Karkat dug around in the bag of microwave popcorn on his lap. “I’m watching it for the action and romance combo. And if your bitching makes me miss a kiss I am going to ruin you. I have been _waiting_ for this kiss.”

“It ain’t my fault I know a lot about pirates.” Eridan retaliated, huffily crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m a history major. Maybe they oughta had a scholar on set to make sure they were doin’ it right. You’ve seen it before, anyhow.”

“It is literally your fault you know a lot about pirates. And historically accurate gets boring, asshat. They make changes to make it interesting.” Eridan looked hilariously affronted.

“History is not borin’! History is one of the most interestin’ things around!”

“Holy shit, pissy.” Karkat sighed, and tipped his head back against the couch. “Fine, you pick the next movie. Make it as historically accurate as you want. Go fucking nuts.” Karkat glanced at Eridan out of the corner of his eye just in time to see him perk up.

“Could I pick a documentary?”

“No way. You have to show me some good historical fiction or all your complaining doesn’t mean shit. You can’t bitch about a movie if there’s nothing better to compare it to.”

“Fine.” Eridan drummed his fingers on his blanketed knee. “But it’s gonna be sad. You’ll probably cry.”

“What a shocker. History’s sad. Who fucking knew. Now watch the damn movie.” There was a moment of silence.

“It ain’t so bad, I guess.” Eridan ventured. “If I ignore the glaring historical inaccuracies, that is. It’s real pretty, at least.”

“The setting?” Karkat asked, a grin turning his lips up. “Or Orlando Bloom?”

“Oh, shut up.” Eridan flicked his cheek with one blinged-out finger, too soft to hurt. “Both. An’ Kiera Knightley.”

“A-fucking-men. Now be quiet, let’s watch them make eyes at each other.”

 

An hour later, Aradia joined them, pulling Sollux by the hand.

“Mind if we join you?” She asked, and plopped down in Eridan’s lap without waiting for an answer. He just tucked his chin over her shoulder, and kept watching, completely enraptured. Sollux took the empty space next to Karkat.

“What’re you even watching?”

“Master and Commander.” Karkat replied. “It’s about a British warship in 1805. Take a fucking guess who chose this one.”

“I guess Ampora.” Sollux said, stealing popcorn from Karkat’s bag.

“Congratulations, you win nothing, because that was too goddamn easy.” Karkat nudged him, jostling the popcorn. “Russell Crowe’s in it, though. I like him.”

“You’re so easily bought, KK. It’s shameful.”

“Shh!” Eridan urged, not looking away from the screen. “It’s just gettin’ good!”

“I can’t believe you got us roped into watching a war movie, AA.” Sollux said, leaning his head on Karkat’s shoulder. “Stop moving, I’m taking a nap here.”

“Shh!” Aradia answered. “This is _so_ cool!”

\-----

A month later, Karkat called a house meeting. They all gathered in the small, white-tiled kitchenette, and stood around the table. Karkat was sitting down by himself, his arms folded on the round tabletop. It looked like he had notecards.

“So,” Karkat began. “Things have been really damn weird around here lately. We’re all spending more time in our rooms or out with friends, movie nights have dwindled down to almost nothing, and worst of all, the chores are not fucking getting done. So we are talking this shit out right the fuck now, and we are getting to the bottom of it.” Aradia burst into laughter.

“Aradia, he’s serious.” Feferi protested, putting one hand on her arm.

“I know he’s serious! That’s why it’s so funny!” Aradia wiped a nonexistent tear from the corner of her eye, presumably for drama. “God, we just have to tell them. Boys are so dumb.”

“I thought we were going to wait!” Feferi replied.

“Well, yeah, but now he’s _calling meetings_ over it. We might as well get it over with.”

“What the _fuck_ ,” Demanded Karkat. “Is going on here? What the hell are you talking about? What do you know?”

“Karkat,” Aradia said, not unkindly. “Things have been weird because of the rampant sexual and romantic tension.” Karkat sputtered. “I’m not joking. Things have been weird because we all have crushes on each other, and it’s super obvious, but because you guys are stupid and emotionally constipated and insecure, no one’s _said_ anything.”

“Well, Aradia and I said something. We’ve been fucking since a few weeks after we moved in.” Feferi added, helpfully. “We were going to let you guys figure it out on your own, but it’s getting kind of ridiculous at this point. I mean, much as we like you, and it’s a lot, we like you so much- but you’re idiots. With this stuff, at least.”

“I-” Karkat said. “What- no- What?” He looked around at them, rising from his creaky wooden chair. “ _Really?_ It’s not just me?” Eridan’s ears were bright pink, and he was fiddling with his rings. He nodded without looking up.

“Obviously,” Eridan said, even though, as far as Karkat was concerned, it wasn’t really that obvious. Sollux kicked at Karkat’s foot under the table, and snickered.

“Yeah,” He said. “Yeah, I totally do. What the fuck do we do about this.” Karkat gnawed at his lower lip, looking at them all in turn.

“We’re going to make a schedule.” He said, and Sollux groaned. “We’re going to make a date schedule, and we’re going to see if this can work. And then we’re going to all watch Legally Blonde. And hold hands, maybe.”

“I am _not_ watching Legally Blonde again, Kar.” Eridan said.

“I like Legally Blonde!” Feferi replied, with a little frown.

“Okay,” Eridan acquiesced. “But we have to watch something else after Legally Blonde. And it can’t be the fuckin’ Matrix. No matter what Captor says.” Sollux groaned again, flopping into a chair.

“What’s the point of dating four people if we can’t watch the Matrix?” He asked, despairing. Aradia giggled.

“Raiders of the Lost Arc?” She suggested. Karkat looked at her a moment.

“Maybe.” He said. “Scheduling first. Everyone sit the fuck down.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Alternate title for this fic; Feferi gives people fashion advice they didn't ask for.
> 
> Now with humanstuck headcanons for this fic over at my tumblr! [read them!](http://onlythetiger.tumblr.com/post/143057937448/i-wanted-to-write-out-some-humanstuck-headcanons)


End file.
